Tips for Writing your Wedding Vows

When you think about your wedding ceremony, you may imagine a romantic moment where you and your partner gaze into each other’s eyes and eloquently declare your love and commitment in front of your closest family and friends. However, if the thought of writing your own vows feels overwhelming or the idea of standing in front of a crowd makes your partner nervous, you may be left wondering what’s the best approach for your wedding vows.

Traditional vows are a classic option that take the pressure off writing and public speaking, but what if you want something more personal than just saying “I do”? Whether you choose to go with traditional vows or pen your own, here are some tips to help you decide the best way to declare your love and commitment.

1. Don’t Procrastinate – Start Early!

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is leaving their vows until the last minute. Whether you’re writing personal vows or choosing to modify traditional ones, it’s important to start planning ahead. It’s recommended to begin the process at least three weeks before your wedding day. This gives you enough time to talk through your expectations with your partner, decide on vow style, and prepare everything necessary for a smooth ceremony.

2. Consider Public Speaking Comfort Levels

If either you or your fiancé is uncomfortable speaking in front of a large group, traditional vows might be the right choice for you. While this doesn’t mean you can’t add a personal touch, opting for traditional vows may take the pressure off, especially if the idea of publicly declaring your emotions feels daunting. Many couples choose to tweak traditional vows to make them feel more personal and aligned with their relationship, but remember to get your officiant’s approval on any changes well in advance to avoid confusion on the big day.

3. Write a Love Letter to Each Other

If you feel uncomfortable speaking personal vows in front of a crowd, consider writing a love letter to your partner before the ceremony. This private exchange of heartfelt words can be deeply meaningful without the pressure of a public vow exchange. You can choose to read the letter aloud to each other privately or simply give them to each other as a memento to keep before the wedding day.

4. Personal Vows Before the Wedding Day

Some couples prefer to say their personal vows in a more intimate setting before their wedding day. For example, you might exchange vows privately at a beautiful outdoor location, like during a hike or on a quiet afternoon, or even in front of close family members in a private backyard ceremony. These personal vows can be emotional and intimate, giving you the chance to express your feelings without the audience of a formal ceremony. On the wedding day itself, you can still use traditional vows to maintain the formality of the event.

5. Dedicate Time to Personalize Your Vows

If you choose to write your own vows, it’s essential to take the time to get it right. Writing personal vows can be a deeply meaningful experience, but it takes effort and reflection. Begin by outlining the qualities and promises you want to express. It’s okay to write a few drafts before finalizing your vows, and don't be afraid to ask a trusted friend or family member for feedback. There are also many websites that provide helpful tips for vow writing if you encounter writer’s block.

If you prefer to use traditional vows but want to make them feel fresh and personal, don’t hesitate to adjust the wording. Be sure to run any changes by your officiant before the ceremony to avoid confusion.

6. Consider Using a Wedding Vow Book

While it may be tempting to scribble your vows on a piece of scrap paper, consider investing in a beautiful wedding vow book to write your vows in. These lovely little booklets not only look beautiful in photos, but they also become treasured keepsakes. You’ll cherish the memory of what you wrote long after your wedding day.

7. Keep Your Vows Concise

Although you might want to express all your emotions, keep in mind that your vows should be short and sweet. A general rule of thumb is to keep them between 2 to 3 minutes. This allows you to say everything you want to without losing your guests' attention or making the ceremony drag on. Plus, it keeps the moment focused on the love you’re declaring, without overwhelming yourself with long speeches.

8. Prepare for an Emotional Moment

Let’s face it, weddings can be emotional, and it’s highly likely that you (or your partner) will get teary-eyed during the vow exchange. Be sure to have tissues or a handkerchief handy! Whether you’re saying traditional vows or personal vows, this will be a moment you’ll both remember forever. It’s okay to show emotion and embrace the sincerity of the occasion.

The Bottom Line: There’s No Right or Wrong Choice

When it comes to your wedding vows, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Whether you go for traditional vows, write personal vows, or exchange love letters, the most important thing is that the vows reflect your unique relationship and commitment to each other. Don’t be afraid to get creative, but also be true to what feels right for you and your fiancé. After all, this is your wedding day, and it should reflect the love and authenticity of your relationship.